Is It Okay to Call Someone Hot in Front of Your Partner?

Some may say it’s insecure to be bothered. Others would say bothered is the minimum that should be felt.

Tiffany Thomas
3 min readMar 2, 2021
Photo taken by Dom Aguiar on Unsplash

I compliment women all the time. Almost every time I see a woman on tv, I voice how pretty she is. In past flings, relationships, whatever, guys would do it in front me of me all the time. I wouldn’t give it a second thought. Most of the time, I found her attractive too.

Being in my current relationship, my thoughts linger in a different direction.

One day, I’m in an irritated mood and my boyfriend sees Cece from New Girl and won’t stop talking about how hot she is. I mean duhh, I would say the same. But for some reason, I find myself yelling, “Okay we fucking get it! She’s hot.” He becomes super apologetic afterwards. Of course, I couldn’t help but to feel bad. I feel weird, because I have never been super bothered by it. Especially a celebrity, because that’s innocent.

I start to think about a close roommate I had in college. She’s a great friend, but crazy girlfriend. She would threaten to chop off her boyfriend’s genitals off, when he would sporadically compliment a woman on tv. I would tell her all the time it was insane to not let him do it.

Now, I find myself annoyed. Whether it’s my irritated mood or not, it’s not a big deal. It’s a celebrity and he’s super apologetic about it. He would never try to make me feel bad.

But that moment brought out my curiosity. I couldn’t help but to crave others’ thoughts on it.

When in doubt, do an Instagram poll.

I’ve done a poll before about how others felt about their jobs and I got insightful input from it. So I couldn’t help but to be eager to do this one.

I ask my followers if it bothers them if their partner calls anyone hot (non-celebrities). I feel not including celebrities would bring authentic answers. Even though, my situation included a celebrity.

The results come in. Out of 80 people who vote, 38% claim it doesn’t bother them as the rest say it’s irritating as hell. It’s a tiny gap. This topic easily attracted mixed opinions.

I end up getting direct messages from people elaborating their answers. A guy I went to high school says, “ I don’t care- I’m confident in myself and know she loves me. I know I deserve her love and that she wouldn’t leave me for someone else. She’s totally entitled to think other people are attractive lol because I’m not worried about her faithfulness (or vice versa).” I thought I would get a couple of other similar messages. Not as lengthy, but definitely “it doesn’t matter.” But this message is the only one. I appreciate his sure statement. His point is: compliments aren’t considered cheating, so why does it matter?

Another voter says, “I wouldn’t want my woman to say all that. She can keep it to herself. Hot is implying too much.” His issue is the term. Saying “hot” is just plain inappropriate to say in front of a partner. I should ask him if he would feel any different if she used another word, but I don’t for some reason.

Lastly, a girl voter reaches out. Man, she is not happy. She says “Disrespectful af. That’s actually a form of abuse if they’re saying that right to your face. They’re obviously purposely trying to mess up your self-esteem in order to gain control over you. No reason to tolerate when there are other men who would value you and show it to you.”

She definitely has a strong point — why is it necessary to say it? She thinks if he says it, he must be making a point. A point that purposely emotionally can damage. I believe her emphasis comes from her thinking I’m in a position, where my boyfriend constantly does it.

Unfortunately, my boyfriend ends up facing heat from my curious poll. People message him thinking he does it to me, all the time. Now I’m the one apologizing.

I realize this question is complex. It all depends on the situation, type of communication, relationship, and people.